As the 1980s came to a close, Hollywood was coming to terms that the 1990s would mean a new way of doing business for the action movie genre. Gone were the days of Sylvester or Arnold singlehandedly defeating entire armies without getting hurt. The success of the Die Hards and the Lethal Weapons showed that moviegoers wanted a more vulnerable action hero that had flaws and wasn’t perfect. Hollywood could no longer trot out the same by-the-numbers formula action flick and satisfy the masses. It was time for a new action flick formula. My theory is that The Last Boy Scout is their rough draft before they finally nailed down that formula.

Most of the movie relies on it’s headliner, ol’ Bruno himself. I like Bruce Willis. Always have. Well, except in the Jackal. Other than that, he comes off as a guy you’d want to pal around with. He’s got an endearing smirk and can deliver even the stupidest one liners with a bit of gusto. The lines are pretty good here and whatever flaws there are in the movie, nothing big comes to mind that is his fault. He does the action pretty well, does the disgraced hero stuff well, and smirks very well.

At the time, recent success oozed off of director Tony Scott, the man who gave us Days of Thunder, Beverly Hills Cop II, and Top Gun. I think he decided to try to capture some of the Beverly Hills Cop magic and team the star of Die Hard with the next Eddie Murphy, who at the time was probably considered Damon Wayans. When you get down to it, Damon wasn’t ready for this picture yet. He had some good moments but didn’t have a lot of depth to his character. Someone killed his girlfriend and he didn’t really look as upset about it as he should. I mean, c’mon, it’s Halle Berry! And she’s a stripper! He should’ve been screaming for blood, or at least able to cry real tears. Of course, they dumped a lot of crap on his character. Hollywood was tinkering with how much baggage to strap on their heroes, and they went overboard with how much Jimmy Dix got. As if Halle Berry dying on him isn’t enough, he’s still mourning an 8 month pregnant wife killed by a truck while he was playing football in another city. He was kicked out of the league for gambling. And he’s addicted to drugs, too. Sounds like a prequel to ESPN’s Playmakers.

I like buddy movies. Always have. It’s a tough thing to get right, though. They can’t get along too well, or there’s no conflict. They can’t absolutely hate each other, cause then you can’t suspend your disbelief that they’re working together. Other than a patch in the middle, the chemistry is mostly right between Wayans and Willis. They bounce zingers off each other and act macho.

And that’s basically what this movie is about: testosterone. Guys acting tough, talking tough, and hitting tough. There’s no room for estrogen here. Only three major characters are female: Halle Berry, who gets killed off real quick, and Bruce Willis’s wife and kid, who both cuss as bad as a sailor so they’ve got enough testosterone to survive the movie. There are no women killed and shoved in refrigerators, but the movie is not kind to the double X chromosome.

Maybe the biggest positive for the movie is the dialogue. There’s enough classic lines in this movie to last a month in the quote contest. I like “too thought out dialogue to possibly resemble real life speak” and quotable lines. Always have. It’s not just all talking and being mean to women, though. There’s also tons of cars exploding and gun fights to keep anyone from nodding off.

Willis’s Joe Hallenbeck (his middle name is Cornelius, but don’t tell anyone) is someone who doesn’t laugh at death, but make jokes while facing it. Twice. He’s has simple rules, much like a modern day John Wayne. He tells you what he’s going to do and follows through with it. He dresses simple, sometimes not even changing his clothes the next day, and doesn’t understand those who put more money into their wardrobe than a major appliance. In fact, the whole movie was pretty much a modern day western mixed with a modern action film with a dash of detective noir thrown in.

And how about Noble Willingham as the most unapologetic good ol’ boy bad guy. Has there been a more amusing depiction of evil since Jack Palance in Tango & Cash? (Hmmm… maybe that’s my next movie selection. j/k) I’m assuming Noble’s performance is the template for the evil oil tycoon on the Simpsons?

I think it says good things about a movie if there’s some people who have small roles in it that go on to bigger and better stuff. Halle Berry I already mentioned. Don’t blink or you’ll miss Eddie Griffen as the strip club DJ. And who realized that was Tae Bo zenmaster Billy Blanks as “Unsportmanslike Conduct For Capping Three Defenders With a Duece Duece” Billy Cole?

I’ve probably been a bad reviewer by waiting this long to address what sets the tone for the flick, is probably the most infamous scene in the movie, the one most associated with TLBS, and it doesn’t even involve any of the movie’s stars. The opening scene of the movie begins like a Hollywood depiction of a football game, and quickly deteriorates into a WTF moment. It acts as a warning that, for the next hour and a half, violence will be everywhere, even on our nation’s gridirons.

One of the things that didn’t stand up the test of time was the commentary on the state of pro football. There was one accurate line Lynn Swann made about crappy attendence in LA, as there are no longer any pro teams there. But the “death of professional football” has been averted. Free agency did not kill the game. Since 1991, the NFL has done a good job of limitting many of the fan-killing aspects, instituted a salary cap, and remains the strongest sports league today.

All and all, this is a movie that tends to overdo some stuff and has some basic flaws. But as a guilty pleasure, there ain’t much better. Nothing better than a gun-toting, fast-talking buddy movie/revenge fantasy.

“Come right in. Don’t let the fact that my door’s closed dissuade you from entering my office.”

It has been a looooong time since Sundays were adorned with the wonderfullness of the NFL. The good news is, the light is at the end of the tunnel for football nuts like me. NCAA Football 2005 comes out in about two weeks (12 days!). Madden and ESPN 2K5 won’t be much farther behind that. And we’re one month away from NFL training camps opening. The first preseason game, the Hall of Fame Bowl, is August 8-9. So, what are teams supposed to do in July? Negotiate. The Bengals did a good job signing Carson Palmer before we drafted him last year. Now we need to get our 2004 draft picks signed in the coming weeks like Houston already has. At this stage, nobody has picked the Bengals to win the division. Other than that unanimous choice, preseason mags have not picked a clear-cut winner for the upcoming season.

Commissioner Paul Tagliabue was in Cincinnati (well, northern Kentucky) for a youth conference recently. For the progress made in the last year and a half, the NFL is giving props to the Bengals.

Most Bengals fans already knows this: Defensive tackle John Thornton has a pretty good web site.

The NFL Europe season has been over for a while now, and the Arena league wrapped up this weekend with their Arena Bowl. Former Bengal James Hundon helped the Sabercats win. Viewers probably would have appreciated this introduction to Arena Football. It would have been helpful for the game I went to. Overall, the arena game is alright, but really lacks a good flow.

I ripped ESPN for their 25 best sports movies, but their best sports scenes seems more on target.

Okay, I’m a sports nut. But, not as bad as these folks who named their kid after the Worldwide Leader in Sports. Everett K. Ross Myers doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?

“Well, at least we have the home field advantage.”
“The Alamo was the home field.”

No, that’s not how it appeared in our nation’s newspapers. Somebody’s having fun with those old Spider-Man newspaper strips. Yeah, those stories were so bad even Reagan made fun of them. Now someone is putting them to good use. There are some potty words in there (the fake strips, not Reagan’s comments), so beware!

The guy above shooting the chimney is not really Gun-Man, he’s the Punisher. He was in a movie this year that didn’t make much money. Now it looks like there won’t be a sequel. I hadn’t seen it yet, was planning on renting it at some point. Between this one and Daredevil and Hulk, we’ve seen some movies that could bring the comics to the big screen trend hit a dead end. At the very least, there’s three potential franchises on death’s door.

The Firefly movie, Serenity, has an official movie site now open for business. Even though I’m really looking forward to it, I don’t think I’ll go to the site too often. The first reason is to avoid spoliers, the second is to not get myself too jacked up for a movie that is still ten months away.

Go Speed Racer! Go Vince Vaughan?! Could he be the man to bring this bizzarre franchise with the cool theme song to the big screen?

Rumors have James Marsden, Cyclops himself, playing Jesse Custer in a Preacher movie. That is, if it could ever get made. The comic was great but it’s not exactly an acceptable subject matter to most of middle-class America. See, God has abandoned us. And a disillussioned pastor (Custer), along with his ass-kicking girl friend and his vampiric best friend, set out for Texas to track him down. Jesse has bonded with an angel-demon offspring and can make anyone do anything he commands by using the Voice of God. Oh, and there’s a guy named Arseface. Why do they call him that? Why, because he has a face that looks like an arse, of course. Sound like something the average church goer would want in a theater near them? Preacher is not for everyone, but it’s really entertaining and very different.

I’m all caught up on the Walking Dead comic book. After the Days Gone By collection of #s 1-6, I got #s 7 & 8 last week. They’re just as good as the TPB, but now I don’t know how I will be able to wait a month between each new issue after reading all 8 in the span of a week. Especially considering the cliffhanger suggests the pack of survivors we’ve been following won’t be surviving long.

Occassional comic book writer and full-time fan Kevin Smith will appear in the upcoming I Love the 90s show on VH1. I’m sure I could say something about how VH1 has become the History Channel for people with short-term memories who don’t remember their own lives, but Amy already said plenty. Unlike her, I don’t feel like I need to rip off fellow blogger’s schtick.

“Now I tie you up and leave you to die! I am Best-Man, the best super-hero ever!”

I went to the movies this weekend and was one of the few who did not see Farenheit 9/11 and the proud not to see White Chicks. I saw Dodgeball and agree with Zandra and others, probably the funniest movie I have seen in a while. I had read Johnny’s review that compared it to BASEketball so I had that swimming in my head as I watched it. Although, the natural comparisons are there and probably would have picked up on it on my own: a band of non-athletic misfits playing an obscure indoor sport, picking up chicks as they move through the tournament. It’s been too long since I’ve seen BASEketball to say whether one movie is better than the other. But I can tell you the sport of BASEketball is vastly inferior to Dodgeball. BASEketball is pretty dull, so I guess that’s why they tried to spice it up with the lame “psyching out” part. The rules never seemed to make sense and I had a really hard time believing it took off like it did, earning huge fan base and A-list broadcasters. Dodgeball, on the other hand, is a familiar game with basic rules relegated to ESPN 8 (much more believable on “the Ocho” than announced by Al Michaels and Bob Costas). It’s full of movement and action, so it makes better cinema. And that “sploink” noise the ball makes when it whacks someone is way funnier than the swish of a BASEketball.

Some other Dodgeball-related notes: Lots of great cameos and supporting performances. Gary Cole and Jason Bateman are probably the funniest sports announcer team in the history of movies. Bob Euker as Harry Doyle in Major League was great, had some classic lines, but he was mostly solo. And how about the rebounding of Jason Bateman’s career? Between this and Arrested Development, he’s got it going on. Where the hell has bee been since The Hogan Family and Teen Wolf Too, in a Budhist monestary the last 14 years, honing his comedy skills?

I just wanted to remind everyone that my choice for Mark’s movie club will be discussed Wednesday. We’ll talk about The Last Boy Scout, definately a different choice than the previous ones: Dirty Pretty Things (which I finally did see and comment on, only a month or two late), Brazil, and Safe Men. But, I figure that’s kind of the point for the movie club, diversity. Anyone who wants to join in on TLBS talk, rent it this week or just go from memory and comment on Wednesday’s entry. If you want to join in on the movie club full time, contact Mark. He started this crazy gig.

Of course, Wednesday’s biggest movie event for me will not be my movie club review, but Spider-Man 2. Still hearing not only good reviews, but most saying it’s even better than the first one. And that one wasn’t too bad, itself. It scored a whopping 89% over on Rotten Tomatoes. (that’s a good thing) For example, Roger Ebert was one of the few who didn’t give a thumbs up for the first film. (While I disagree with his idiotic comparison to Crouching Tiger, he has a point about the Peter Parker stuff being so much better than the Spider-man stuff) But this time, he’s giving Spidey 2 the thumbs up. Maybe the best superhero movie he’s ever seen.

“You do too much - college, a job, all this time with me… You’re not Superman, you know.”

While you were all going about your lives, someone jumped in on our little quote game and has made some noise. My lovely girlfriend, Kelley, went back into the archives, dug up a lot of old quotes, and has gone from from last to second in one bold move. She got the Buffy-bot’s attempt to quip like the real slayer, a line from an incredulous Mulder on X-files, Mark Twain talking about mankind, Dr. Doom’s plant talking shit, Dennis Leary in the Ref reaming out some old lady (I’m very upset at some of you for not getting the Ref reference. You know who you are.), some detectives discussing a gas problem similar to mine in Murder By Death, Hackman and Keanu wax philosophy in The Replacements, Shatner waxes philosophy in Airplane II (NOT Airplane 1, Jeff), and she figured out Elvis didn’t need to know much about music in his business. Another first timer, Rinnert, got a quote from Night of the Living Dead, which I actually saw at his house. (A house that eerily looked like the one in the movie.) And another newcomer, Erin the Comic Queen, guessed correctly that it was Ryker during the trial of Data’s humanity. Kerry also added a notch by correctly identifying Namor’s battle cry.

Quote Standings
Johnny 10
Kelley 9
Moe 7
Amy 6
Jeff 5
Kerry 4
Rinnert 1
Erin 1

Again, you may want to double check cause I’m not good at math. That’s where we are today. I was pleased to see a lot of newcomers take some stabs at the quotes. Obviously, no one made more noise since the last standings than Kelley. You’re all on notice. She’s a teacher on summer vacation, she’s got nothing else better to do all day long than to figure out quote sources. The only thing you have going for you is that she’s still on dial-up.

I was also pretty stoked to see double digits in my comment box for the first time this week. Not only once, but twice! Yeah, I think I padded the numbers by adding a comment or two myself but thank you all very much. I enjoy hearing back from you. Except maybe Jeff. Damn Frenchie.

“I’m mad at numbers.”

A very good comic run for me this week. And I haven’t even read Flash or Teen Titans or the Walking Dead issues I needed to catch up on yet. More on the ones I read (including Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men and big doings for Spider-man) in the continued section.

Speaking of comics, the age old question: Pre-Crisis Superman vs. Post-Crisis Superman vs. Birthright Superman?!?

Spidey 2 is getting lots of early good reviews. Even from the guy who writes the Ultimate Spiderman and the guy that wrote the movie adaptation. (For that link, just scroll down past the Clinton stuff.)

Ah, Untold Tales of Spider-Man. A lot of fun in the vein of Stan Lee’s early Amazing Spider-man run. Great Kurt Busiek stuff for only a dollar an issue!

And some news involving the Justice League animated series.

“Zucco’s mine!”
Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know what it is, but I find myself becoming less and less enamoured with movies. It’s easy to do when stuff like White Chicks comes out. Let’s see, we’ve got black guys dressed as white chicks. We need to spend some time establishing that black people are different from white people. Check. Since they’re in drag, we need to have men desire them. Doesn’t matter that they aren’t attractive or even human-looking. Check. Okay, we’ve got a movie. Let’s see who’s stupid enough to buy a ticket. Even movie trailers that, as lately as a couple years ago could make any movie look good, no longer lure me in. It doesn’t happen often, but there are even times where I can sit through a movie’s “best two cumulative minutes” and be so wholly unimpressed that I don’t even give it a meh. And despite all the promotional stuff they’re shilling out. There’s only one reason to see King Arthur. And that ain’t enough to get me into a theater.

Wow! A worst team ever list that does not include the Bengals! But a best sports movie list without Happy Gilmore?! What a load of crap!

The Bengals field is no longer a load of crap… hopefully. It took a lot of work but, after four seasons, it looks to finally be ready for football.

The NBA’s newest team, the Charlotte Bobcats, got their first players ever this week. Apparently, team officials claim it took thousands of hours of work and hundreds of thousands of dollars to come up with the new team’s identity. You are expecting me to believe that any procedure that took any amount of time, effort, or thought came up with Bobcats as a final answer?! It took less time for the Itchy and Scratchy writers to name the dog Poochie! The owner said: “Okay, you marketing geniuses, start thinking up a name for this funky team; I dunno, something along the line of say… Bobcats, only more proactive.” He leaves the room, the marketing geniuses look at each other and say: “So, does Bobcats work for everyone?” and then just pocketed the money. That is the worst nickname in professional sports! Why not just call them the Charlotte Basketball Players?!? It’s about as generic and about as lame. And I thought nothing could suck more than the Blue Jackets. At least that’s orginal.

It’s official. ESPN NFL 2K5 will have a suggested retail price of $19.99. Kerry warns that this low price might equal low quality. I could see that, but I don’t think that’s the case here. First of all, this isn’t a new title, it’s a continuing line. Unless they did almost no work between this and last year’s model, this should be worth the price of admission. I already debated the Madden vs. ESPN issue and really think that this is ESPN’s answer to trying to get more players to come to their side. Besides, Evil Dead: A Fist Full of Boomstick was only $20 and it was a kickass game. Cheaper games can be good. I’ll still stick with Madden 2005 because of the NCAA connection, but the lower price tag will make it more likely that I’ll try ESPN 2K5 at some point down the line.

X-Box 2/Next/Whatever will not be backwards compatible. Fortunately, Halo 2 should already be out on the original Xbox by then and I can get new games on the Playstation 2 since the PS3 is not expected to be out until a year after Xb2. I’m going to try holding off as long as I can with the “old and busted” models before finally crumbling and succumbing to the “new hotness” of the next generation of consoles. At least until the first Xbox 2 price drop. Hopefully.

Uh oh! I’ve gone two hours without talking about Y: The Last Man! I’ll stop that toot-sweet with this: Ain’t It Cool News has an interview with Y writer Brian K. Vaughan. Good luck getting through on their terrible server. I would suggest trying at 7:00 a.m. on a Monday morning. Peter David’s Fallen Angel is also getting positive review for it’s first trade paperback. Like I said yesterday, this is easily accessible to anyone regardless of how big, or little, a comic book fan you are. It’s has adult situations, though, so it’s not for everyone.

MSNBC breaks down the candidates for playing Superman. I’m pointing this link out to you because my sources tell me no one watches MSNBC. Out of the list they provide, I would probably go with Brendon Fraser as my choice. But that doesn’t seem likely. I also think they are looking much younger, more in the late teen/early 20s range. My other choice would be to wait out two more seasons of Smallville, keep Tom Welling as Clark Kent/Superman, and make the movie a continuation of that story. Seems like a smart choice to me. But that also seems unlikely since Hollywood doesn’t make sense.

The third and (probably) final Blade movie will be out December 10. The teasing will begin in earnest soon. There is the potential of a spin-off (fellow vampire hunters, The Nightstalkers) but this will probably be the last time we see Wesley Snipes as the Daywalker.

Two Frank Miller comics are on course to hit the big screen. Sin City is currently filming with an all-star cast directed by Robert Rodriguez. Not sure how I feel about it. If anyone can do it, it would be Rodriguez. But Mickey Rourke as Marv? Also, it now looks like a movie will be made based on his 300 one shot.

Lollapalooza was cancelled this year. Wait, that thing was still going on? Lollapalooza is so 1994.

Giles is back in the Buffy Animated series. And that BBC “Ripper” project might not be as dead as once thought.

The death knell of Star Trek continues to chime. Does that metaphor make sense?

And finally…
People are talking about Adult Swim. Woo! Good article. I found it when I went here.

“His responses dictated by an elaborate software program written by a man. This hardware built by a man. And now a man will shut him off. Pinocchio is broken. His strings have been cut.”

Just found a lovely little nugget in the comic shop last week. Actually, two. But one was new and the other was old and just recently collected into a trade paperback. The first was Ex Machina, the story of a super-hero who parlays his celebrity into a political career as mayor of New York City. (get a rope.) The Comic Queen has already broken down many positives of this first issue so I’ll just say one more thing. All around, a good value. An extra-sized issue for a regular sized price. Oh, and one more thing: written by Brian K. (Y: The Last Man) Vaughan. Oh, and drawn by Tony (Starman) Harris. Can’t remember who the tracer is.

The second is a little black and white comic from Image called The Walking Dead. The premise is just like every Night of the Living Dead movie or zombie flick you’ve ever seen. The execution, however, is very good. The zombies are almost a background threat. The real things that the survivors have to deal with is the collapse of society, similar to The Stand, Y: The Last Man, etc. (No, I can’t go two days without mentioning Y, so sue me.) In the world of the Walking Dead, things like fresh food, gasoline, and even toilet paper are no longer items you can just get at the gas station or supermarket. Now every errand is a life and death excersion. The first six issues have quickly been collected into a trade paperback called Days Gone By. It earned Best of the Week honors at the Fourth Rail site. Ten out of ten from both critics. Same for Ex Machina, too. Also, both of these books can be picked up and enjoyed no matter how many or how few comics you’ve read in your life.

“They’re coming for you, Barbara! They’re really horny. They haven’t had it for a real long time.”

While I was out of the country this past weekend (link under construction), the world continued to spin and events continued to transpire.

Ken Griffey, Jr. joined the 500 club. He’s only the 20th player ever to do that and the first to do so as a Red. Another nice thing, is the team is something like 15-2 when he homers this year so keep it up!

Apparently, the Bengals have given up on defensive tackle Daryl Gardener due to a bad back and have moved on to Jason Gildon, who was once coached by Marvin Lewis, one of sports’ most influential minorites. I don’t really know if that’s going to solve our defensive line problem considering, at this stage in his career, Gildon would probably only be a third down specialist. The education of Carson Palmer continues unabated.

A big shake-up at CBS regarding their NFL telecasts. If they didn’t tell me now, I doubt I would have noticed during the season.

A big shake-up going down for the Lake Show. Obviously, they didn’t win the championship. Phil’s already gone, now Kobe and Shaq could be next. These guys almost made me look like a genius. Back before the season started, I told anyone who would listen (Johnny) that after the 03-04 season, Phil would step away from the game, Kobe would become a free agent and sign elsewhere, and Shaq would retire. It looks like I underestimated Shaq’s desire to keep playing. I figured he would’ve been bored with his success and gone back to rapping or movies or something. But it appears he’ll play for someone next year. Kobe may even stay with the Lakers if he doesn’t get thrown in jail. The Lakers will have a new coach next year. Maybe they can talk Pat Riley into coming back.

Earlier this week, I mentioned the Namor movie and who was in line to direct it, but I didn’t mention that the Rock was in line to star as the Prince of Atlantis. I know that choice will make some people happy. I gotta say, the Rock is about as good of a choice as I can think of. He has vast experience running around in a speedo, has the build, and can look pretty darn regal when he wants. Vin Diesel as Lex Luthor? Wow, I didn’t think that new Superman movie could suck anymore.

Dodgeball was the #1 movie in America. It’s gotten some good reviews. Zandra, among them. Although, not from Johnny. I will admit that most of Ben Stiller’s movies satisfy me in the theater, but are mostly forgettable once I leave. Maybe I’ll check it out this weekend. But probably only go to the matinee showing.

$500 for a Playstation 3? Could be.

And finally, some new info leaked about Madden and NCAA football online details and a new, sooner Madden release date possibility: August 10.

“Imperious Rex!”

Oh, my my. We’ve had the quote contest turn from a desperate attempt to create an identity for my blog to a point of contention and verbal smackdown. Excellent. Just what I was hoping for. Amy and Jeff have hurled a little extra somethin’ somethin’ at each other during recent quote referrals. It’s not just the cruel taunts you hurl amongst yourselves that I enjoy reading. I always applaud extra info you guys put in when stating where the quote comes from. Whether it’s Johnny giving me more quote options from the same source to Moe telling me where the captain got stabbed to Jeff sharing how the episode in question is his favorite to Amy ranking how high a movie the source material is for an actor to Kerry saying how bad she would have felt for not being the one to get it right.

Quote Standings
Johnny 10
Moe 7
Amy 6
Jeff 5
Kerry 3

Just a reminder for those who came in late or easily forget stuff. (Which is basically the two major categories that most of my friends fall into.) All quotes are still eligible until some gets them right or if I already revealed the source. Just click on the comment link on the bottom, put down the source of the quote, and you’re on the board! If you get it right, that is.

“Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.”