A while ago, Jeff asked me why I haven’t talked too much about the current basketball season the University of Cincinnati is having. (I’d link to the exact quote, but rumamging through the comments is too hard right now.) UC is a basketball school but I’ve been talking much more about the football team than Bob Huggins’s crew. Speaking of the football team, it sounds like recruiting season went well and former Bearcat Trent Cole had a good week during the Super Bowl. Whoops, there I go again. After all, the hoopsters are 21st in the country, 17-3, but I just can’t seem to get that excited about them.

The Circle of Cincinnati Sports declares that once the Bengals are finished I turn my attention to Bearcat hoops. But I can’t shake my half-empty look at UC’s season and Huggins tenure, in general. Basically, this program has plateaued and I have a hard time getting fired up for a team that consistently gets knocked out of the second round of the NCAA tournament. I know it’s sad to get down on a team that consistently makes the Big Dance, usually wins the conference, and is a nationally-renowned program. But Conference USA has been a weak league for most of it’s existence, we stack our non-conference schedule with mostly cupcakes, and what’s the point of going to the dance if you leave before it gets any fun?

Wednesday’s big rematch with Louisville will show a lot of UC’s character and we’ll get a glimpse of whether or not this might be the team to get to the Sweet Sixteen.

“You finally wake up, Doc’s gone to town. Round his back, through the hoop, then you scream ‘Touchdown!’”

No football today. (Well, except for the Arena League which began it’s season this week.) Sad. What’s sadder is how many more Sundays will be fridiron-free pretty soon. What to do during this long lay-off before the Super Bowl and longer time without football after that? Why, cruise the internet for mock drafts, of course. And there are more mock draft sites than ever before.

There’s tons to choose from, so I’ve taken a sampling of what some football minds think we do with our 17th overall pick if we keep it. I’ve also given a very amateur opinion of each possible player and that opinion will most likely change once I’ve actually done some research. For the mock draft sites, I’ve provided the link so you can take a look at what they think your team will do since I guess everyone’s not a Bengals fan.

NFL Draft Countdown: Travis Johnson, Defensive Tackle, Florida State
The consensus feeling is that we’ll go with a defensive tackle in the first round or defensive linemen in general. This guy is the number 1 name I have seen for the Bengals on the four dozen or so draft boards I’ve looked at. He had a great senior year but that under-achiever tag he had before that kinda scares me. I have recurring thoughts of Big Daddy, but I’m sure that wouldn’t happen with Marvin in charge.

We may look for a center in the second round and this draft has projected that we’ll have our pick of the litter when our turn comes up in the second round. Out of all the centers, he ranks Chris Spencer the highest.

Fox Sports?: Jamaal Brimmer, Safety, UNLV
As Lance McAllister noticed, we’d pass on Mike Williams in this draft. I don’t like that idea. With all the shuffling that goes on Draft Day, we might take a receiver especially if TJ is asking for too much money. I think the year off hurt Williams’s stock at the moment and people have forgotten what a force he can be. If he’s still there when the Bengals pick, I hope they snatch them up. Heck, if Braylon Edwards were still available I’d have to think long and hard before passing on him.

This isn’t an indictement on the player selected in this mock. I don’t know that much about Brimmer, but MOe seemed like he was high on him.

Sportsdialogue: Thomas Davis, Safety, Georgia
Inside The Eagles: James Butler, Safety, Ga Tech
A couple more options at safety. With the draft pretty deep at defensive line and with all our young defensive backs, I don’t know if this is the direction I would go. More research is needed.

College Football News: Heath Miller, TE Virginia (Antrel Rolle, CB Miami)
This site is pretty cool cause it gives you a projected pick and who they should pick. They feel they should go for secondary help (Rolle) but agree that a talented TE like Miller could really add a new dimension to this offense. If you Ask The Commish, he also thinks the best tight end in the draft will be available at this stage. but he still thinks Matt Leinert is the number one pick so maybe I should wait until he updates his site.

ProFootballDraft: Marlin Jackson, CB, Michigan
This is a site where four editors have their own mock draft. The other three selected people already listed elsewhere, so I figured I would spotlight this pick cause it’s different.

Draft Studio: Erasmus James, DE, Wisconsin
I don’t know that much about this guy. In fact, I don’t even know how to spell his name properly! Half the places I look at have him as “Erasmus”, the other half as “Eramus.” That fact, alone, makes me a little nervous about him.

DraftDaddy: Marcus Spears, DE, LSU
A few weeks ago, I would’ve said this might seem a bit high for him. But I’ve heard he had a good week at the Senior Bowl.

Football.com and 900 Football: Dan Cody, DE, Oklahoma
Niners Fanatic: Shaun Cody, DT, USC
I think it is extremely optimistic thinking if either of the Cody boys are available by the 17th pick, especially Dan who is in the top 5 on Mel Kiper’s big board.

Hail Redskins: Jason Tuck, DE, Notre Dame
I try not to take too much stock in fan mocks, but this one has an extensive mock draft link page so I figured it was worth mentioning. The only experience I have with Tuck is that I just signed him as a free agent in Madden. So far, he has yet to impress me, but it’s still early.

NFLReport: Odell Thurman, LB, Georgia
Fantasy Sharks: Ahmad Brooks, LB, Virginia
Draft Board Insider: Channing Crowder, ILB, Florida
Here’s a look at the linebackers some folks have us taking. I’m discounting the NFL report one right now cause a lot of people don’t even have this guy going in the first round. Further research is required on the others.

Rob’s Scouting: Adam Jones, CB, West Virginia
Again, way too optimistic to believe Pac-Man will fall this low. But if he does, I’ll glady snatch him up at this stage.

Consensus Draft and Draft Season: David Pollack, DE, Georgia
Lionbackers actually projected a trade with Detroit so we’d get the 10th pick and take Pollack. Um… I’m not gonna put a lot of stock in that mock since the UGA star might be a reach where we already sit, let alone sacrificing picks to move up and get him. If we do get him, where do we put him. The guy had an amazing career, but what would be best suited from his NFL days? I heard one draft expert say he could be another Teddy Bruschi.

FootballFuture Mock Draft forum: Antajj Hawthorne, DT, Wisconsin
I’m guessing this guy isn’t a professional, just some intersted fan. But since Stomp actually mocked all of the Bengals picks, I figured I’d include the link. After that, this message board pretty much broke down into a weak attempt by Browns fans to belittle us and ignore all their shortcomings.

Fantasy Football Jungle: Multiple
This is a site where anyone can submit a mock draft for kicks and giggles. Lots of people here mean lots of stupid decisions to debate.

Here’s a rundown of other sites and who they say we’ll take.
Travis Johnson:
About Football
DraftKing
Fantasy Football Toolbox
110%Football
OnTheClock
Mock Draft Heaven
NFL Draft Showcase
Haven’s World
QI Sports
Wide Word of Sports

Antajj Hawthorne:
OurLads
Packer Chatters

Erasmus James:
NFLFans
DraftAce
Heard’s Football Report

Thomas Davis:
DraftGurus
Great Blue North
Sporting News War Room

Marcus Spears:
East Coast Sports
Fantasy Tailgate
Draft Notebook
Football Future

Of course, I doubt a single mock draft had us taking Chris Perry with our first pick last year. I doubt we’ll go the same route again this year considering there’s lots of RB possibilities out there. Then again, Marvin has fooled us before.

“Bill, have you ever heard the expression “It’s easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar”?”
“Dave, have you ever heard the expression “Only a hillbilly sits around and tries to figure out the best way to catch flies”?”

I was watching Comedy Central last night and Jamie Kennedy was griping about Ashton Kutcher stealing his idea for a TV show. Your idea, Jamie? Really? Pulling practical jokes on people and videotaping it from multiple hidden cameras is your idea? Huh. Cause I seem to remember a show when I was a kid called TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes. On top of showing TV Bloopers, they pulled practical jokes on people and videotaped it from multiple hidden cameras. And even before that, there was this guy named Alan Funt. He had a show called Candid Camera, maybe you heard of it. You’ll never believe what they did: they pulled practical jokes on people and videotaped it from multiple hidden cameras. And that was years before you and your ingenious idea-creating brain were even born! In fact, probably the only thing that prevented a similar show being done before 1949 was the fact that TV had pretty much just been invented. Still, it’s not exactly like it’s solely your brainchild you whipped up for the WB. I’m guessing there’s some cave painting somewhere where Ug got Urg to drink some sabretooth urine.

So, you may want to get off your high horse and stop throwing stones at Ashton while you’re in your glass house. After all, you don’t seem to have a problem building a career off of successful ventures by more talented people.

“Hey, mister! You got the time?”
“As a matter of fact I do, Cubby. It’s about two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head!”

Normally, when I review a trailer for Fan Film Friday, it’s to get you excited for a movie that will probably never be completed. But not today. The folks at Backyard Productions have completed a feature-length amateur film. Despite this, I’ll just review the trailers cause, after some downloading problems, don’t have the time to watch the whole thing and meet deadline.

FF type: Trailers
“Doom Raiders is a parody based on all those classic action adventure films like The Mummy, Romancing the Stone, and of course, the Indiana Jones Trilogy! From the gang that brought you The Empire Strikes Backyard, it’s bigger and better than any of their previous film projects, includes both custom sets and extensive location filming (in Cyprus, no less!), a larger cast and a gripping story!”

Production Quality: (4) The thing that impresses me isn’t necessarily the quality, but the scope. There’s tons of extras, camera angles, even some attempts at special effects.

Performances: (3) It’s kind of hard from the trailers to tell if the actors are being serious of their roles or if they are parodies. I would probably need to watch the movie as whole to see that.

Fan quotient: (4) If you’ve seen an Indiana Jones movie, that seems to be enough for you to hop in with. A Lara Croft knock-off also appears, but it doesn’t appear you need to know that much more about her than what she looks like.

Entertainment Value: (3) The trailer looks interesting and does make me want to see the movie. But I’m not really in a hurry to do so and won’t recommend others do the same until I see it myself. It doesn’t get my juices flowing and doesn’t make me urgently need to see the final product.

FF obtainment: (5) Supposedly, you can get both trailers and the completed project at TheForceNet Fan Films but I couldn’t successfully download any of them there. I had better luck downloading the movie in five parts here and downloading the two trailers here.

Doom Raiders: 19 out of 25.

“My son, we’re pilgrims in an unholy land.”

The fantasy football league I’ve been associated with the longest has just gone 21st century. The Nagel Fantasy Football League has a blog site. This will be my first chance to deal with a group blog so that will be interesting experience. This will mostly be a place for the team owners to gather, discuss the league happenings, and talk smack at each other. But we’ll probably also be talking about general fantasy football strategies and even about the real NFL so swing on by and check it out if you’ve got the gridiron on the mind.

Speaking of blogs, mine’s been acting a little strange this week. The page layout looks tweeked and the white background behind the comments disappeared. Amy fixed it so you could see the comments against the wooden background, but they dissappear when you look at the entry as a whole. I bet we’ll get it worked out. If you notice any other new snafus, let me know. We’ll try to fix those, too.

“‘Yes… this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… this land.’ ‘I think we should call it your grave.’ ‘Ah. Curse your sudden-but-inevitable betrayal.’ ‘Hahaha. Mine is an evil laugh.’”

I saw the Dawn of the Dead remake over the weekend and found it to be pretty entertaining. (Especially the Hollywood Squares game.) I don’t know why, but I’ve always been intrigued by zombie fare. It’s not the creatures themselves, but maybe the problem-solving process used by the survivors: Where do we go? Do we hide? Do we fight? What do we fight them with? Can I count on the other living people with me? In that case, zombies are simply the plot device used to create this intriguing scenario to me. So, maybe I should pick up the Zombie Survival Guide. The How to Survive a Zombie Epidemic movie wasn’t that helpful but it was mildly entertaining.

I also enjoy the speculation about what could make the dead come back. Is it a virus? Who unleashed it? Was it something from space? What functions are absolutely necessary for the zombie to continue “living.” It’s interesting to see the pseudo-science that goes into making the dead walk again. But, in today’s fast-paced, high-pressure world, I guess that’s not good enough. Today’s walking dead actually run.

Maybe “remake” is too strong of a world. This new DoD is more of an update with upgraded zombies who move like NFL linebackers and have the apetite of Jeffrey Dahmer. I haven’t seen 28 Days Later but I hear it’s got more of the same. Does the added nimbleness make the zombies scarier? Sure does. But does it make them a more effective antagonist? Not really.

Let’s face it, as a threat to mankind’s continued existence, the old school zombies are pretty good. Well, if it takes us by surprise and isn’t an isolated incident. Let me break it down for ya: Zombies create new zombies by biting humans. In the original movies, people generally survived an attack by one or two zombies. But sometimes, not without getting bitten. So, what do you do when you’ve been bitten? Go to a hospital. Sure, lots of people would. So, all these bite-victims show up at the hospital. You gotta figure one or two folks don’t make it and die on the table. Or in the waiting room. Now, this is a hospital and the focus of 95% of the people in it are on the living, so the dead guy is put somewhere and probably forgotten until the current epidemic is over. So the dead guy rises, probably gets to bite a couple of doctors or fellow patients. After about three or four days, the hospital is pretty much a lost cause. One of the best defenses mankind has against this outbreak is rendered useless.

Cities would probably become overrun shortly after that. That many people in an enclosed space with all those biters… wouldn’t take too long for the zombies to stake their claim on the urban centers. The country would be the safe bet cause there’s less potential victims and the zombies couldn’t take a car out there. They’d have to walk. And they used to be pretty slow at that.

But now they can chase you down. So, their effectiveness just shot up five thousand percent. Most people probably couldn’t even survive a one-on-one scenario with the dead, let alone a multiple attack. The timetable for dead-takeover has been cut in half. DoD also showed the zombies to have some degree of cunning and the ferociousness of a wild animal. Those buggers can move, they’ll work to get at you, and when they get a hold of you, you’re done.

So, I guess that’s why I have a hard time with the new trend. The zombies are too effective. I look at all they are capable of doing and think, there’s no way you can beat them. As a society, there’s no coming back from this. Maybe if it were only an isolated situtation could mankind, as a whole, buy some time, get properly organized, and stem off the dead advances. But your average schmoe at ground zero? Nuh-uh. And that’s why I can’t get properly invested in their plights.

Zombie Lord George Romero is making another dead movie so we might see the old school zombies one more time. But maybe not since the zombies are apparently “evolving.” But, the man might just stick to his guns and keep them a slow and proportionate threat. That may mean the zombies can be a bit amusing, but anything more and we’re done for.

Of course, the most basic element in the whole walking-dead/real people relationship gets overlooked. When it comes right down to it, The Dead Hate The Living.

“Don’t use the zed word.”

I wanted to show you some interesting examples of how you can spice up a weather forecast. I saw both of these weather guys on All Things Christie previously, but the second one has also been making the rounds amongst friends in the field so I figured they were worth sharing with the rest of the class:

This first weatherman is bad. Really bad. So awfully bad you can’t possibly fake being this sucky. The good news is the kid’s at college so he’ll get better. He has to, you can’t bomb worse than this. It looks like it’s from Ohio University. C’mon, OU, you’re supposed to turn out better product than this! Man, am I going to rub this in to the Bobcat alums I’ve worked with.

The other example is a professional for the Fox affiliate in Charlotte. He is purposefully trying to come off in this insane fashion. Wow, he says some innapropriate things, doesn’t he? He’s erratic and, like the weather, unpredictable. But I bet you he’s the number 1 watched forecaster in town. People love their crazy weather guys.

Also from Chritsie, here’s some Family Guy news: New episodes in May. That’s good. It’s been weird seeing Family Guy episodes on Fox Sunday nights that just aired a few days previously on Adult Swim.

And while we’re talking TV, here’s a few other tidbits I’ve seen lately. Johnny compatred and contrasted Lost and 24. They’re my favorite hour long dramas right now and it’s interesting how they are different in so many ways. One way, in particular: 24 was new (and good) this past Monday. Lost is a rerun this week.

Lost and Alias have a few things in common. In fact, fans of both shows were recently treated to a nice little in-joke. That is, if you even noticed. I know I didn’t.

“Hmm. It says here that if a person’s not married by the time he’s 35, he’s got a better chance of being robbed at gunpoint by a desperate and somewhat bloated Christian Slater.”

I’m looking forward to this Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl. That’s the good statement. The bad statement is that this has been the most dissappointing year of NFL playoff games I can ever remember. I didn’t get to see the Wild Card Round, I already chided the Divisional Round, and the conference championships were no different. Despite their excellent regular season, Pittsburgh was pounded by the Patriots. The high-flying Falcons fared no better in Philadeplhpia. At no point in either game, did I feel the results would be otherwise. Both losing teams were manhandled. We saw no comebacks, no back-and-forth give-and-take, no special moments for Don Cheadle or other celebrities to talk about in commercials. That was the case for most of the playoff games I saw.

Another dissapointing thing is that there’s only one real football game left, then nothing for about six months. So, as “meh” as the last few weeks have been, it’s nothing compared to what we’re about to see starting in a couple weeks.

“You will respect me once my plan is unfurled. You will call me your leader, I’ll be King of the World.”

Okay, for some reason this didn’t post when it should have. Maybe due to all those poker sites spamming the Sock Drawer. Anyway, this was originally supposed to be up Sunday afternoon.

So, who will be playing while I’m enjoying myself at a kickin’ Super Bowl Party?

I just have a hard time picking against Bill Bellicheck. And the Falcons? I don’t know why I picked them. Without TO, this game seems like a toss-up. Maybe it’s no coincidence that I would love to see Vick in a Super Bowl game so I picked them to win. But, maybe by picking them, I’m hexing them. Stupid superstition.

Looks like I only jinxed one of them.
“Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.”

Here we go, the first quote standings of 2005. Let’s see how it’s shaping up differently than ‘04.

Johnny 5
dupree 5
Rinnert 3
Kelley 2
Kerry 1
MOe 1

Like the first quote standings of ‘04, Johnny is on top. But dupree is right there with him. Rinnert has tripled his output from last year to take third. Kelley’s fourth and Kerry and MOe are the only other ones to not have a goose-eggs next to their name. Remember, though, it’s not a sprint. It’s a marathon. All year. On the internet.

“Dad, what’s the blow-hole for?”
“I’ll tell you what it’s not for, son. And when I do, you’ll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.”