“What do you want in a woman?” I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. Whether it’s from well-intending friends who might want to set me up with someone or on the online profiles I’ve filled out. It’s a short little question that is so very difficult to answer. No matter what quality you bring up needs to be tempered. She has to have a sense of humor, but isn’t consntantly performing a stand-up routine. She can’t be needy, but it is nice to be wanted. She has to be smart, but not too smart cause I want her to put up with my dumb ass. Inevitably, the question comes up: “does she have to be a sports fan?”

When a guy thinks of a female sports fan, Cameron Diaz in Something About Mary asking Ben Stiller if he wants to come inside to watch Sportscenter comes to mind. Well, at least it does for me. And that’s a dangerous stereotype to think about. Clearly, there aren’t a lot of women who look like Cameron Diaz. Also, there are some women out there who don’t know how to be sports fans. Yes, there are a lot of guys out there who have the same problem but I don’t plan on dating any of them let’s stick to the ladies.

A lot of what I’m going to say is similar to this guy’s take on female sports fans. It’s much funnier than mine will be so you may want to read that one. But I do have one story to share that will illustrate a great example of a bad sports fan.

I was dating a girl who proclaimed herself to be a fan of a team who won the World Series somewhat recently. She was from that area so she certainly had a geographic right to claim the team. But the timing was a bit off. She never openly cheered the team on until after they had won their third World Series game. Bandwagon jumping is certainly a problem for both sexes, but it’s definitely not very attractive. Especially the following weeks when she’s throwing it in my face that her team won the World Series. Never mind that I wasn’t a Yankees fan (which her team beat) or even a baseball fan at that time. Never mind that she never really talked about her team the following season when they pretty much went in the toilet. She still felt it important to remind me who she rooted for (since the middle of October) and that they won.

If a woman is a sports fan, it’s not necessarily a good thing in my mind. It can be, if she doesn’t get too crazy about it. I mean, can you imagine a sports fan who’s the female equivelant of the Goat? Yeah, kinda gives me the hives.

Tomorrow, I look at whether or not it’s a good thing to share some of my hobbies.

“I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That’s my ad, print it up.”

Technological advancements have occurred since I was last in the dating world over two years ago. Now cell phones and other devices play a big role in communication between a man and a woman who are courting. It’s a nice convenience because it makes it easier to call ahead if you’re running late or find each other in a crowded area. But I noticed that some of the women like to use the phone for another form of communication: text messaging.

I’m not a big texter myself. It’s a difficult process that would take much less time to convey a message if you actually say it to someone. One night, I’m going out with a group of friends when I get a text message from a girl I had been chatting with. She would send me a message, I would send one back, and she sent another one. Mind you, I’m trying to get ready to go out so this was dragging me down. So, I just decided to call her. She didn’t answer. I got her voice mail. I normally don’t get suspicious or paranoid if I get someone’s voicemail. But, in this case, I know she’s there. By the phone. Because she just texted me! I guess she wanted to ask me a couple questions without, you know, having an actual conversation with me.

Obviously, it didn’t work out between us. Am I just a crazy old man who isn’t with the times or does anyone else feel that texting is kind of awkward? Tomorrow, I tackle the female sports fan. Not literally, unfortunately.

“Man I been tryin’ to call you ’bout three days. Done called your cell phone, your pager, your voice mail over your mama’s house, your Uncle Darell, and I paged Kyjuan like three times.”

It’s Dating Week here at the Sock Drawer! Well, it will be if I can actually meet a deadline each and every day and bring up new obersvations about the shark-infested waters that is the dating pool. Go ahead and take bets on whether I can accomplish this, but the plan is to bring up something every day until Friday about my newfound single experiences. Some leave me gasping for more. Some leave me running for the door. At the very least, it’s been a learning experience. And I would like to pass on some of that knowledge to anyone who’s brave enough to read about them.

Okay, today I’ll talk about online dating. I’ve been using a website or two to meet lovely suitor-ettes. Sure, it’s got a certain stigma to it but, let’s face it, I wouldn’t meet anyone without them. Anyway, on these sites, you are encouraged to put a picture on your profile to draw more interest. It makes sense, as we humans are superficial creatures. Especially guys. Especially me. Anyway, I sometimes look at profiles and wonder what these people are thinking when they post these pictures So, I would like to offer some advice to those who already have profiles or are considering doing so.

First, eliminate technical problems. Don’t waste your time and ours by putting up blurry photos or those where you only comprise a small portion of the frame. Sure, it helps get across the point that you like to hike and be outdoorsy. But do I want to date you or the Grand Canyon behind you? Again, these pictures can round out a personal portfolio of multiple pictures but you better come with more than that.

Second, beware group shots. Again, these are nice to include because, oftentimes, these are pretty candid and show off a big smile. But you can literally get lost in the crowd. You probably don’t want to make us guys try to look through all those people and try to pick you out. We may get distracted by the other ladies in the picture. Which brings up a good point, do not put up one of you with a friend who is hotter than you. Do put up the one where you’re next to your ugly friend. Obviously, this makes you look better by comparison. But don’t put it up if the ugly person in question is your sister or cousin or other relative. We don’t want that kind of ugly, even if it’s only a recessive gene in you.

Third, no pets. I understand that your cat or dog or alligator or whatever is a big part of your life. But I want to see pictures of the person in the profile, not their four-legged friend. Certainly, a picture of you and your pet together is acceptable and does a much better job of conveying your love for your animal than a picture of it asleep on your couch.

Fourth, avoid pictures taken by professionals. This might just be a personal guideline, because these kind of pictures raise a red flag with me. I automatically suspect the profile is false and is placed there by some cyber-practical joker or a spammer to lure me to some strange site. Besides, why would a professional model need a website to meet guys? It’s like: what does God need with a starship? (Bonus quote point for whoever knows that last sentence.) The internet’s only for the rest of us. If the picture you’ve posted is your senior pictures, dump them. Everyone looks great in those things and you were 17 years old when you posed for them. A lot of changes can occur between then and now and most of them aren’t flattering.

Lastly, do not put up your best picture. I think the other guidelines were pretty self-explanatory and this would seem to be a foolish suggestion. After all, the better the picture, the more guys who will show interest in you and your profile. But unless you can recreate that look in person, don’t share it. You will only be dissappointing the fellow once he actually meets you.

I think those are the big ones. Anyone disagree with them? Agree with them? Have any more to add? Tomorrow, I take on texting.

“Can’t you call me the ’second suitor’? Suitor number two sounds like a bathroom code.”

Not since Week 3 have the Bengals had a comfortable lead in a game and been in control in the third and fourth quarter. Boy, did I miss that feeling. Too bad I didn’t get that today. A 34-0 lead vanished with 21 straight points late in the third quarter and 4 total touchdowns in the second half. Even against teams like the Texans, Packers, and Ravens, Cincinnati could just not pull away until very late. It made for some anxious Sunday afternoons. Still, the Bengals keep beating the teams they should and have assured the franchise a third straight non-losing season. Five games left to get that first winning season in 15 years. Maybe it’s time to start making some playoff preperations?

Some thoughts about today’s game:

First off, illegal contact has got to be changed in the NFL. I like the five yard penalty, but the automatic first down has got to go. The Ravens had a 3rd and 24 and the drive was kept alive because of a marginal, tickey-tack “illegal contact” six yards from the line of scrimmage. Even if the player was thrown to, even if he made the catch, he still wouldn’t have been close to even halfway to the first down marker.

Second, it looks like Tony Dungy might have been right about the cost of Brian Billick not giving up. The Colts head coach criticized Billick for preserving time at the end of the season opener, even though his team was clearly out of it. He believed that prolonging the game served no purpose other than to promote injuries. Down two TDs with less than a minute to go, Billick’s team did the same thing today. And, as the clock ran out, there was a Bengal player down on the field. Hopefully, it wasn’t serious or to a major contributor. If so… thanks, dickhead.

The remaining schedule: at Pittsburgh, Browns, at Detroit, Bills, at Kansas City. Big game this week. Hopefully, the Colts will beat up the Steelers so they’ll be easier to beat on Sunday.

“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it. “

I don’t really know what to say that would be different from what I said earlier this month. I mean, the Ravens still have the same problems they did a few weeks ago, even though they beat Pittsburgh this week. The Bengals still should win handily even though there’s still no quality win on their schedule yet. Um… yeah. That’s my breakdown of the game. Same as a month ago. Maybe my post-game analysis tomorrow will be more rivetting. I didn’t even get to see the football games Thursday so I can’t really comment on them, either. I’ll try to come up with some good blog entries for next week, maybe that will make up for today. Yeah, it’ll be fun. I’ll do a whole week on dating full of amazing observations and stories where you can make fun of me. Should be fun. Be sure to come back every day starting Monday with Dating Week at the Sock Drawer.

“Now you just mind you P’s and Q’s buster…. and remember who your dealing with.”

No more emberrassing pictures for now. (Although, I missed Jeff’s birthday last week. You can see pictures of him here and here. But I doubt any of them emberrass him. He’s sick.) Just some 24 casting news to get you ready for January. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the way their kicked off the season with four episodes in two nights and then non-stop new episodes every week after was brilliant. Glad they’re doing it again this season.

“He is gonna put a bullet in my head before I can say hello, and then he’ll turn the gun on himself.”
“We’ll make sure he doesn’t turn the gun on himself.”

Happy birthday, Rinnert!

And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else.

If Movable Type won’t show you the picture, go here.

“Hahaa, right! What are you gonna do with money? Buy some robot pants? No, we got each other and that’s all we need. I’m gonna send this money to needy kids in third-world countries.”

I try to post a picture of my friends on their birthday, particularly if it’s emberrassing. Oftentimes, I miss out because either I forgot their birthday, didn’t know it, or didn’t have the materials to properly emberrass them. In the case of Eric, who got older last month, the last one is the case. But, while I’m home visitting my folks, I was able to find these beauties. The Kareoke King, himself, crooning to the ladies that they lost that loving feeling After Prom back in ‘93. And below, he commands you to fear his mullet!Poor Curly looks petrified. Of course, I probably had the same expression on my face as I was taking the picture. I’m sure this will inspire him and other high school friends to come forward with more emberrassing material. It’s like some strange nostalgia war. But if you liked today’s efforts, you definitely have to come back tomorrow. Heh, heh, heh.

If Movable Type won’t show you the pictures, go here.

“You’re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?”

Yes, clever title today. I’m talking about Logan from the House of the Ded and I combined his name with a popular TV show that no one under the age of 30 has ever heard of. Very clever.

Anyway, last week I spotlighted Greg Burgas and his contributions to the blogosphere. I also suggested anyone else who wanted to plug some of their work should speak up. Logan did. So, today, it’s Logan’s turn. He writes the Loose Staples column over at Comic Book Galaxy. Unfortunately, I’m struggling to find the Loose Staples archive. Maybe there is no such thing.

Anyway, the point is a lot of people I know on here put out a lot of work and I like to spotlight it when I can find it. First off, sometimes people’s extra online effort doesn’t get noticed. Second, just throwing up links can be an easy way to put up new material during a holiday week full of travel. So, there’s Logan’s stuff. If there’s more, I’m sure he’ll tell me. If not, who’s up next? Anyone else want their cyber-output publicized to the world?

“Intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us.”

I know some friends who like to spread out their birthday into a “birthday week.” I’m too old for that so I settled for a birthday weekend. Friday night, I drove up to Columbus to see the new Harry Potter movie cause I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to find anyone down here to see it with. It was a good time seeing the Columbus crew and the movie was alright. It was my favorite book, but I didn’t like this movie as much as the third one so I guess that could be considered a little disappointing. I don’t want to be the “book is better” guy so I won’t go into that stuff too much. Probably the most nagging thing I can think of is the guy playing Dumbledore bothers me. He’s a fine actor, but he just doesn’t match up with the character very well. The first guy was much more in tune with the perceptions I got from the book. Of course, it’s not like they fired the first guy. He died, so they did have to recast. Maybe I should just get over it.

Saturday, I got to meet up with John Broeckling, a friend and former co-worker from the Hoptown days. He was in town for the big UC basketball opener against the Murray State Racers. It was a close game and Murray almost pulled it out, just like JB predicted on Unabated Sports earlier in the week when we had him on the show to preview the game. Keep an eye out for the audio of that interview in the next few days.

Then came Sunday. My birthday and another chance for the Bengals to show that their nice record isn’t just a fluke. But, unfortunately, like the other two times they faced a team with a winning record, the result was a loss. Fortunately, it wasn’t as bad as the Steelers game as the offense had a lot of success. But the defense was just chewed up and spit out by Peyton Manning. “Safety Ifeanyi Ohalete looked more disoriented than Courtney Love on New Year’s Eve.” That wasn’t me who said that, it was Kyle Nagel from the Dayton Daily News. But I definitely agree with it. When you get down to it, the best team won. The offense was great, Chad Johnson came to play football and swoon women so it was definitely an entertaining evening.

So, why am I sore? For some reason, on the day they I get older, I decided to play young man’s games like football and Ghost in the Graveyard. A lot of fun but a little too much when you’re over the hill like I am.
“You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?”