Portrait Of A Defeated Man

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Thank you guys (and ladies) very much for explaining the weird chick behavior that went flying in the face of thousands of years of female stereotype. I was confused, but now am a little less so. So, I present you this picture of a stereotypical man who looks absolutely browbeat. Why don’t we ask him if getting married is like a funeral? He’s bald, exhausted, holding bags of crap probably for his wife and/or daughter as they go off and buy more. Most likely with his money. And you can just tell by the look on his face, he is loving every minute of it. I saw this guy at one of those outdoor shopping cities and had to snap his picture. Apparently, this practice of taking stranger’s pictures is going to get me beat up at some point. Certainly not by this fella.


“Magnificent! Finally someone who understands that serration is only good for bread.”

Bachelorette Party

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

After talking so much football lately, today is for the ladies. Mostly, I saw some bewildering behavior by women that I’m looking for some of their fellow females to explain. Good luck, because I’m thoroughly confused in this case.

You see that picture? I took that at a local comedy establishment and had to ask my girlfriend-at-the-time what was going on. She informed me it was a bachellorette party. So I asked why they were dressed like they were going to a funeral. GF-at-the-time gave me a “DUH” look and said it’s because she’s getting married.

So, if women feel that getting married is like signing your death warrant, and we all know that men do, why the hell are people getting married?! Who’s idea is it from the get-go? Why are we still doing it? I don’t understand!


“I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating.”

IMG_7789

Originally uploaded by ickey.woodz.

I’m not in the habit of talking about how good other men look but DAMN, did Carson Palmer look outstanding last night. He threw well, ran the no-huddle offense, and didn’t blink twice when big guys were falling around his surgically-repaired knee. Hell, he even took off and scrambled for a long first down. After the overall dominant performace, my expectations for the season went from 9-7 to nothing short of Superl Bowl XLI. I do have to remember it’s just a preseason game and it’s ONLY Green Bay. Man, did Favre look bad. There was one shot of him on the sideline where it looked like someone scooped out his brain for a few minutes.

Now that we’ve seen how CP how fared, this blog will probably return to it’s non-football stuff until I put together my 2006 NFL predictions. Hopefully, that’ll be before Week 1 or I won’t be able to pass it off as my pre-season picks. Anyone have any advice for me as I compile my forecasting attempts?

“‘Fatty who likes golf and beer.’ Gee, where are you gonna find a gem like that?”

Showtime!

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Tonight’s a big night around here. Obviously, a Monday Night Football game, even a pre-season one, is exciting for a city that was devoid of quality football play for a decade and a half. But the big question is how Carson Palmer looks tonight in his first action since having some fatso land on his knee. There’s a lot of dark clouds in the area, and I’m worried it’s a bad sign. Maybe it’s just indicative of how bad the Reds stunk this weekend. The weather adds extra concern considering our franchise heads out onto the field with a surgically rebuilt knee that may or may not do well on the slippery turf. I won’t bore you with too much of that since, more than likely, most of you will be reading this after the game is over.

How about I bore you with my fantasy football team? It didn’t take too long but I already lost one player for the season. Less than 12 hours after I drafted him, the Jags runningback I picked up went down for the year… and it wasn’t Fred Taylor! Oy, it’s gonna be a long year.

“Don’t look now, but someone stole all your popsicles!”

Simpsons: Road Rage

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Another last second post with no substance. But at least there’s a funny pic of Homer driving like a maniac in the real world. Well, it kinda looks that way if you squint your eyes and apply some imagination.

“It feels like somebody with a fever is yelling at my pants.”

War Room

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Just finished up my Nagel Fantasy Football League draft and already these guys are calling me up to mock me and my picks. Here they are:

1. (9) L. Fitzgerald WR
2. (32) R. Wayne WR
3. (49) T. Houshmandzadeh WR
4. (72) T. Jones RB
5. (89) K. Johnson WR
6. (112) J. Wiggins TE
7. (129) G. Jones RB
8. (152) D. Carr QB
9. (169) Washington DEF
10. (192) R. Grossman QB
11. (209) San Diego DEF
12. (232) S. Gostkowski K
13. (249) St. Louis DEF
14. (272) N. Goings RB
15. (289) J. Harrington QB
16. (312) M. Morris RB
17. (329) A. Fasano TE
18. (352) A. Stecker RB

Oy, it’s gonna be another long year.

“I don’t care if you’re black, brown, yellow - Orientals make very good workers, for example.”

Old Timey Mountain Dew Sign

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Worked today and spent the rest of the time travelling so nothing exciting today. I just have this sign I saw at a gas station along the way. I’d never seen this before, but I’m guessing that’s the way they used to sell Mountain Dew before the inception of asinine Gen Xers.


“The words I’m saying now mean nothing more than made out to an animal.”

Don’t Do It, Jodie!
Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Today, we approach a subject that I touched upon back on the Hamsters site so long ago, before they went over to MySpace and A Bunch of Us. That was even before I had a blog. Yikes. Anyway, the subject of scoreboard proposals came up and I think the ladies over there were pretty much against it. I think they even said they’d be angered at being put on the spot like that in front of many people. Never a good idea to piss off somone who you’re trying to become attached to for the rest of your natural lives. But I happened to see another reason why the scoreboard proposal is a bad idea.

This picture here was taken at a Reds game recently. While this question was still up, a Braves batter blasted a homerun. How awkward is that? “Honey, of course I’ll marry you. DAMMIT! Don’t throw Chipper a curveball on the outside like that! Idiots!”

Besides, is it really a good sign that the home team gives up a dinger on the moment you agree on the most blessed of unions? Not an encouraging sign for the future.

“I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my… last name! That’s all I want.”

Rose

Originally uploaded by Woodmania.

Just a note to everyone out there who’s interested in keeping up with my radio show, Unabated Sports: we’re changing nights. Now we’re on Wednesday nights. I know most of you can’t pick up the signal, but they’re podcasting full shows on the Cincinnati Sports podcasting page. We’re starting to get them up the next day so keep checking over there and downloaded our shows to listen on your mp3 player or iPod or whatever.

“Holy Columbus, Ohio!”

Sometimes, I don’t exactly say things that women want to hear. For example, Lisa’s telling me about this interview process for a promotion (which she got) where her current boss asked her “if you had my job, what would you do differently?” Wow, that’s not a fair question. That’s the ultimate no-win scenario. Then I remembered, as tough as this situation was, it wasn’t. The ultimate no-win scenario, of course, is the Kabayashi Maru test from Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan.

So, I figured I would help Lisa out by sending her the Kabayashi Maru Wikipedia page link to show how a great man like James Tiberius Kirk faced a no-win scenario. Apparently, quoting science fiction movies may not the kind of help and support females would like from their man.

Her response: “I can’t believe that I just read that webpage. I hate that I just read it. There’s 10 minutes of my life I will never get back. ”

But she did admit: “I wish that I had handled the situation like Kirk.”

See? And that’s just one of the dozen life lessons to be learned Wrath of Khan. And for more pick-me-ups from the world of the Federation, check out the Star Trek motivational posters like the one above.

“Your final solution was, shall we say, unique?”
“It had the virtue of never having been tried.”